Zach has written a beautiful post explaining the detrimental effects of cheating. I love him for sharing his story and I truly hope his words influence a change of heart in those who choose to cheat or maybe offer hope to others who have been recently cheated on. Here is his story:
Infidelity
By
Zach S
It's one of the worst revelations you
can experience. You may have had a sinking suspicion for some time, or maybe
it's something you never thought would happen - could happen - to you. The sad
truth of the matter is, you've been cheated on, and now you have to accept it.
Anonymous surveys and studies have estimated that anywhere from 6 to 50 percent
of people in a relationship - yes, you heard that right, 50% - are unfaithful,
and that the rate is slowly climbing over time [1]. As someone who had been cheated
on twice, harassed by an ex, and told that I should "forgive and
forget", here's how I see infidelity.
When
you're in a relationship with someone and you find out that they cheated on
you, it's like the world is caving in around you. If you suspected it for a
while, the shock of actually finding it out is more of a dull heartache - you
were right, in the worst way possible. When you haven't suspected it, and
you've really started to develop feelings for someone, it feels like you can't
trust anyone. You have a wave of overwhelming despair wash over you; you feel a
pit in your stomach. When one of my exes cheated on me, I had suspected it for
about a month, but I was afraid to confront him about it. We broke up that day,
and I couldn't stop crying every time I was alone for the next week. The one
time I hadn't suspected anything, I was devastated. I didn't eat for three days,
and I pretended to be sick so that nobody would bother me. I'm pretty sure that
Netflix stopped asking me if I wanted to continue the next episode of New Girl
as I sat cross-legged in bed watching it and crying over a box of Snackwells
chocolate cookies. I cried while watching Dirty Dancing. I cried my way through
Disney movies. Nothing made me feel any better.
Both of these times, I eventually came
to the realization that crying and moping about wasn't going to help at all. I
began obsessively exercising, determined to get a six-pack before my ex had a
new boyfriend. One of the times I actually starved myself for a month in an
effort to have that "I'm better off without you" body Cosmo is always
talking about. In the end, however, I realized that it wasn't anything I had
done that made him cheat, and nothing I did would make me feel better until I
got over him. This took a while to accept, and even longer to internalize once
I realized it.
The worst types of cheaters are those
who make it hard for you to accept that you are not at fault. One of my exes,
once I dumped him, tried to convince all of our mutual friends that he was
sorry and I should "take him back". People told me how bad he felt,
and I got apologetic texts from him every day for a few weeks. The hard truth
of the matter is once a cheater, always a cheater. The same applies to
homewrecking - yes, he (or she) may have left his/her partner for you, but
what's to say that they won't leave you for the next person they meet? I
learned the hard way that you shouldn't expect fidelity from someone who hasn't
been faithful up until now. This is just a recipe for heartbreak and
disappointment.
The ultimate lesson that I've taken
from my brushes with infidelity is that if the person you're with isn't
satisfied with you and breaks your trust, they never deserved your affection to
begin with. It may be hard, but accepting this as truth is, in my experience,
the best way to move on after being cheated on.
